


Summoned

by killerweasel



Category: Good Omens (TV Series)
Genre: Humor, Ineffable Bureauracy (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25543111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: Trying for a demon, got an angel instead.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	Summoned

Title: Summoned  
Fandom: Good Omens (TV Series)  
Characters: Beelzebub, Gabriel  
Pairings: Beelzebub/Gabriel  
Word Count: 666  
Rating: PG-13  
A/N: After Episode 6.  
Summary: Trying for a demon, got an angel instead.

"I told you before, I'm an angel, not a demon. And you really need to let me out of this, whatever it is that you made out of your own blood and..." Gabriel trailed off as he realized exactly what the rest of the circle was made from. "Okay, that is really gross. You have a copy of The Book of Gregor, don't you? I thought I destroyed all of those." He rubbed his temple. "Look, you'd better let me out of here before she shows up because you are not going to like what she does to you."

"Silence, demon!" The human paced back and forth in front of the circle. He was wearing what had to be the most ludicrous outfit Gabriel had ever seen. Nothing in it matched and he was fairly certain the pants were actually made from human skin. "I'm wearing the pants, so you need to start giving me the money I asked for."

Gabriel frowned. "Wait. Is 'wearing the pants' some sort of metaphor for something? Like 'bringing home the bacon'?" His wrist started to tingle. "Seriously, you need to let me out. I know you were aiming for Beelzebub and somehow you got me, but things are about to get incredibly unpleasant."

"Stop lying to me, Beelzebub! Just because you don't look anything like the drawing in the book doesn't mean you aren't capable of changing shape. You're a _demon_." The weird hat, which seemed to be made out of the same thing as the pants, slipped down over his eyes, making him trip. "I can make the circle hurt you. I just need to add another layer of myself." He started to fumble with the waistband of the pants.

"Do not jerk off again, buddy. I don't need to see that." The tingling in Gabriel's wrist was starting to burn. "You know what? I'm done. I tried to warn you."

Before the human could say anything, the floor of the room exploded. Beelzebub rose out of the hole. Her eyes glowed red, her teeth were jagged points, and her fingernails had turned into claws. "You! How dare you take my angel away from me! Do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to meet with the zzzchedules we both have to keep? This was zzzzupposed to be a date night. We were going to do all the things. And inzzztead, I end up with a gross zzzmear on the carpet of the hotel room and no angel. Then I had to go halfway around the world to find your ass. I don't have the time or the patience for this!"

The human was muttering things while backing up towards the wall. Beelzebub looked down at the circle on the floor. "By the way, when they zzzay to use part of yourself, they mean blood and possibly a finger or two, not your own fucking spunk, you moron." She frowned. "Why would that zzzummon you instead of me, pet?"

Gabriel flushed. "That's a very long story and I will tell it later when we are both very drunk. Just get me out of this stupid thing." He poked at the edge of the circle with his hand.

Beelzebub crossed the room faster than the human could blink. Her hand curled around his throat and she leaned in closer. "See you Down Below in a few days. You're going to be a perzzzonal project of mine." She squeezed her hand, snapping his neck. The body burst into flames, leaving the hat and pants behind. "I'll zzzend these to Dagon. She loves putting cursed objects in the path of idiots." She snapped her fingers, making them disappear.

"I refuse to touch that circle with my foot." Beelzebub grabbed a nearby bottle of water and washed away part of the circle with it. "Come on, pet, we can zzztill make our dinner reservation if we hurry."

"Thanks, Bee." Gabriel snapped his fingers, fixing his clothing. "After you, my Prince."

**Author's Note:**

> [Witch pants are a real thing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N%C3%A1br%C3%B3k).
> 
> The hat is based off of [Laszlo's cursed Witch hat in 'What We Do in the Shadows'](https://youtu.be/IDd1ZM0oGoA).


End file.
